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Tears of the Fallen
Warning: Rated "Adult" for safety, due to dark themes and violence. There may also be some bad language. Don't like, don't read. Disclaimer: I don't own Dungeons and Dragons. Tears of the Fallen Chapter One: Beginning Lilith's POV Pain. This is the feeling that describes me right now. This is what makes me who I am. Nothing else, but pain. There may have been small droplets of joy in my otherwise miserable excuse for a life, but even these are hidden away in a thick cloud of despair that I honestly don't expect to dissappear any time soon. Instead, there is only a chaotic, and yet refined, turmoil consisting of anger, sorrow and bitterness, as well as that deepening, opressive sense of helplessness that constantly seems to be hovering everywhere around me. It's simply a pain so great, no words will ever be able to describe it. The pain of loss and betrayal. I feel so dead and empty inside. Nothing make sense to me anymore. It is as if life itself have lost it's glorious meaning. After all, if someone is living a life filled with bloodshed and tragedy, then that particular someone must either be a very unhappy person, or just plain sick in the head. It just so happens that I exist on recieving end of the line of said bloodshed and tragedy. Trust me, such a life can never be glorious. Instead, it only destroys you. Which is also one of the main reasons that I don't feel very happy at the moment, because, truth be told, there is nothing to be happy about. Having just recently lost someone very dear to me, I hold no room for any sort of joyfulness. If someone else ever were to go through the same kind of event I have endured and survive it, then I doubt that person would have a good reason to feel cheerful about it. It's an terrible experience that I won't recommend. The only reason I'm still standing and walking, is because that's what they would have wanted. I just hope that wherever they are now, they will be fine. Hopefully, Zinomi, the Spirit of Death, will be kind enough to grant them peace and rest for showing a filthy anomaly of nature like me compassion, even in the face of death. They deserve that much. Why am I being so miserable, and why do I keep talking about someone who are now dead and gone? Also, what is it that sets me so far apart from others that it would cause almost everyone else to view and treat me with hatred and contempt? Where am I now, and where am I going? What am I planning to do? Do I have a specific goal, a destination? And if so, what is it, and how am I going to reach it? Where do I come from, and what am I doing right now? But more importantly...just who and what am I exactly? It's alot of questions, and not all of them can be answered. But I also got nothing left to lose, so I might as well explain. Now, where to start...right. I'll just begin with my identity, so to speak. To properly describe who and what I am is sort of a complicated task, to put it lightly. It's a sensitive subject, and thus, it's also not something that I like to talk about often. I prefer to keep such private information a secret. And no, I am not nameless. Don't worry. Because I do have a name. But it's also a name that I don't like. But I can't exactly hate it either. Why? Now that is even harder to answer. I was named after someone or something else. I don't precisely know who or what I got my birthname from. All I know, is that it was something bad. Something...hated. Something - or someone - who wasn't very well-liked. It's a simple name with an apparantly twisted history filled with half-truths and lies. It sounds hauntingly fitting and yet terribly misplaced at the same time. I can only imagine that whoever or whatever bore this name must be incredibly infamous. So what is my name? What do I call myself? My name...my name is...Lilith. Lilith Ziquaisol. And in case my name wasn't enough of a hint, I'm a girl. The reason I say "girl" and not "woman", is because I'm only fourteen years old. As a result, I don't considere myself a full grown adult. Not yet, at least. Six more years will likely have to pass before that happens. Until then, I'm merely a teenager. However, due to my rather...unique apparance, both my age and gender can be an somewhat daunting task to find out, unless someone makes the very daring decision to look at me...ahem...down there. Not that I will ever allow them to do such a crazy thing with me, because that would be undeniably disgusting. And yes, I do have something called privacy. Sounds laughable? I'm sure it does. To those who knows no better, it might as well sound like a bad joke. But even these small signs of both personal identity as well as moral decency, have been misused as if to label me an so-called "symbol of evil." My name and body are merely the two despisable main acts of prejudices that I simply cannot forget and forgive, no matter how much I'm pleaded and begged to do so. The people who caused me all this misery was nothing but a bunch of spirits-damned hypocrites. If anything, they were the ones who turned out to be the beings of pure evil, not me. Why? Why did they have to call me Lilith? Of all the possible names they could have chosen to give me, why this one? Why not give me a more ordinary name to go by, say, like Marina, Junika or Leila? Or maybe Lily or Shinomi? The possibilities are endless. One thing is for certain though; I don't like the name Lilith. It has a bad sound to it. But then again...I guess it can't really be helped. I mean, what is done, is done, and there's nothing that I can do about it, right? Absolutely nothing. I'll just have to live and deal with it the best way that I can. If not, then I might as well change my name. I just hope that nobody gets the chance to kill me first. Otherwise, I'm done for. But enough about this. You know who I am now. Now it's time to hear what I am. First of all, I'm not a Human. Or to be more specific, I was supposedly born by Humans, and I also grew up among Humans. But I don't look anything like a normal Human. In fact, I don't even have a clue as to what I am myself. Most people I believe, would find it impossible for a strange-looking creature like me to be born from a Human lineage. My kind also bears no name, so far as I know. Ironic, isn't it? I have both a given name and a family name. But I have no race or species name. Or if I do have one, then I don't know anything about it. I am someone and yet I am no one. I don't belong anywhere and I got no one to identify myself with. To say my life is a mess, is a major understatement. But that's besides the point. I should explain what I am. So here it comes. Most of my body is entirely black. Not black, as in a very dark shade of brown, but midnight black. Like the nightsky. My large eyes on the other hand glows a bright bluish-white color, with no readily apparant pupils. They are also entirely surrounded by clearly noticeable skyblue skinmarkings, giving me a distinctively nocturnal look. Despite this, my vision functions perfectly fine. I can even see in the darkness, which is quite an advantage on my part. But that's not the end of it. I stand 170 centimeters tall. Tall enough to that I may stand out in a crowd, but not so tall that I look huge. I am fairly muscular, though not to the extent that I look overly heavy. Instead, it grants me balanced strenght and speed. To put it simple, I look like the kind of deadly creature of the night who possesses the potential to strike my enemy both hard and fast without anyone noticing. Not that I would ever do such a thing, unless I had a damn good reason to do it. I'd much rather run away, which should be easy enough. On my head, where there should have been hair, there is instead several long pointed things that I can freely move around on my own accord and which seems to be made of flesh and blood. I have no external ears and my nose is nothing else but two small nostrils at the size of dots. On my otherwise Human-like hands and fingeres are long sharp claws with the same color as my eyes. My feet are likewise clawed and resembles those of a reptile and a bird. Both of my hands and feet are also webbed, which is something I find very useful when in deep water. My head is fairly large, but not heavy and with prominent jaws, both of which are filled with long, razor-sharp teeth that are often visible even when my mouth is closed. I usually stand and walk upright, but sometimes I feel the strange urge to crouch down on all fours instead. Sometimes I decide to actually walk around on all fours, simply for the sake of it. Put all of this together, and one will get something that already looks far below Humanity. Add a long tail that can easily move around my body and a pair of large bat-like wings, both of which are several meters in width and length, and I definitely resemble a highly deadly creature of the night, that no one in their right mind would ever want to pick a fight with. Now, some people might probably think that having such a mighty body would make my life seem like a child's play. They are all wrong. Dead wrong. Because nobody's perfect. That's just impossible. To be perfect, is to be without flaws. To be without flaws, is to be without weakness. To be without weakness, is like being all powerful, invulnerable, untouchable, and to be capable of protecting and saving the ones you truly care about without any sort of trouble, which is the one important task, that I have failed miserably at completing. Also, if I had been perfect, I would not have been hideous, I would not have been hated, and I certainly would not have been lost and alone outside somewhere in the wilderness, while those I had cared about were now dead and gone. Quite to the contray, I would have been beautiful, loved, and still be living in my homevillage with my true friends and family. But sadly, my life was never that simple. It's still not, and there is nothing that I can do about it, like always. Just like any ordinary Human, I too, have my shortcomings to deal with. My first flaw is that I have a fear of heights. Thus, I can't fly. I have never learned how to fly. Or even glide for that matter. I may have the potential to fly. I simply have not tested this possible potential out yet. My second flaw is that I can't speak. I can still make sounds, but none of them are like words that can be understood. As a result, I speak no verbal language of my own, but must instead rely on body-language to convey my feelings. I have my doubts that it will do me any good, however. There is nobody left to talk with anyway. My third flaw is like a double-egded sword. My strength and speed. It allows me to do things that requires being in good physical health and shape, such as lifting heavy items above my head, or running for long distances at astounding speeds, but it also makes me more likely to overexert myself, meaning I often grow tired more easily. My fourth flaw is that I know next to nothing about the outside world. The world outside my village. I don't even know how to survive on my own. Take the plants for example, should I find any. Which ones are edible and which ones are not? What if some of them are toxic and I eat one by accident? Then I will most likely either get very sick or die young. My life may be terrible, but I still don't want to die young. I'm not suicidal. I'd much rather survive and live on, if only for another day. Just the sheer fact that I am still alive is a complete miracle in it's own right. My fifth and so far last flaw is perhaps also the most dangerous and disturbing of them all. Even now, a long time after when I first started traveling aimlessy on my own, the memories of the event are still somewhat hazy. To be truthful, I'm not sure whether I should call it a gift or a curse. For now, I will just call it a flaw. The flaw I'm refering to, is a flaw that causes widespread massdestruction and killing. I have no name for it, and I don't intend to give it one either, provided it never shows up again. The ability, if one could call it that, had brought me revenge, and along with that, justice. However, it had also effectively destroyed the rest of everything that I have ever loved, which included both the forest surrounding my homevillage and the lake lying right beside it. The last things I remembered before the total destruction of the place in which I was born, was the look of cowardly horror on my childhood-tormentor's faces when they suddenly realised that they had gone too far in making me suffer simply for being different, the blinding light when justice and vengance awakened from their sleep to hum their long lost melody, and finally the intense sound of devastation, when my own wrath and grief became the broken song of darkened judgment. The sound that flew with the death and destruction, was akin to that of a massive thunderstorm, only much worse. Then, I left. There was nothing left for me to stay for. I don't even think I can ever return to my birthplace. Because it is all gone. Gone forever. Vanished. Destroyed. Where that had once been a large beautiful forest with both a lake and a village, there is now only a very barren and very lifeless landscape. And it was all caused at my hands. Those damned village-people, why did they have to make me so angry to actually do such a horrible thing? Had they just left me and my friends alone, then none of this would ever have happened! Why, oh, why? Please tell me, why did this have to happen? This makes no sense! No sense at all, I say! I breathe in deeply, trying to calm myself down. It really can't be helped. What has happened, has happened, and it can't be undone. I just have to move on with my life and live with it the best that I can. Right now, I'm completely lost and don't have too much of a clue as to where I'm going. All I know is that I'm moving away from my former home. Is that a good thing, I wonder? Perhaps it is. There's nothing left for me to live on with in that place anymore. In doing so, however, I have also just recently found this large vegetation-covered field. I have told you quite alot about myself now. But are you still willing to hear the rest? Will you listen to my tale? ... Fine. I will finish the story. The field I'm standing in, is both lush and beautiful, as if nearly untouched. It's nowhere near so big and lively as the forest I used to live in and I honestly don't know if it will be enough to keep me alive, let alone sustain me. But it's better than nothing at all and for now it will just have to do, because there is no other options available. Hopefully, I won't be dead by morning. I'm just relieved that I have finally found a place with a little bit of life in it. I should mention this. It's evening, which means it will be dark soon. The sun have begun to set too, enlighting the distant horizont in different hues of red, yellow and magenta. I barely notice it, though. I'm far too concerned about my own past and survival to even care about such petty matters. All it means to me is that one hour or two later, I will probably be forced to lie down on the ground and go to sleep. Tomorrow, I will be on the move again, per usual. Every now and then I can still feel some leftover anger and sadness swell up inside of me. The pain has not gone away yet, it seems. It's still haunting me like never before. And every single time whenever I feel a stab of pain...I slowly forces myself to calm down yet once again. Because no matter how much it hurts... No matter how much it all aches on the inside... No matter how much I have been abused by the village-people... No matter how vividly I remember the sight of my loved ones dead faces... No matter how much I want to let it all out, only so that I can scream, cry and tear just about everyone and everything in this horrible world apart to shreds until I drop dead...I simply cannot allow myself to lose control right now. I may be able to convince myself to weep and mourn on the inside and maybe even get away with a few quiet sobs and tears in order to let out some of the sadness. As for the anger, deep breathings, growls, hisses and whimpers will just have to do, but even they are being hold back and supressed. But I can't just rage on wildly and wage war on everything in my path like a mindless beast either. My bodily needs won't allow it. Why? Well, just look at me. My body is not in a very good condition right now.